Kimura’s blog

Yearning to be a housewife/ The rise of "Marriage Hunting"

Yesterday
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or yearning to be a stay-at-home mom, or whatever is the current correct expression. According to a recent survey, majority of female university students in Japan expressed their 'most desirable future' is to be a housewife. That's right, not working, not being independent, they want to discard the whole thing. About 25% said they would want to work for a while, get get married and 'settle down' (thus ending up as a housewife/stay-at-home mum). Only 25% said they would want to keep working and maintain their professional career.

Until like 20 years ago, housewife was not something Japanese women chose to be, but forced to be. If you would start working for a company, you would be wearing ridiculous uniforms and do secretarial work. You'd marry someone from the office (or through other means) and subsequently quit your job to, as a Japanese expression goes, 'enter into the [or his] house'. Sometimes, a boss brokered such marriage for some of his underlings with bright future. (See, it was pretty much a must for a guy to be married and have a child to rise above certain position; you have a wife at home so you can work late without worrying about housekeeping and stuff, and you have a child so you'd be more loyal to the Company) For women to keep working and be independent, for most cases, was just not the option. I'm not saying it was right, but it was just the way it was.

Looking back, this system worked because job security for Japanese men were pretty solid. (in fact, once you got yourself a job in a fairly large company, you never really worried about getting fired. They might send you to some godforsaken place, force you to work 16 hours everyday, but layoff was just not happening.) Back then the focus was on the lack of option for women, but no one really thought the whole thing worked because men could (mostly) earn enough, earn steadily for his family (most importantly, single-handedly).

Of course, the job security thing is pretty much thrown out of the window. Sure, you don't get the good news as easily as you could in the U.S., but compared to the old days before the burst of Bubble Economy, that's one factor everyone would give a serious thought on when thinking about, you know, future and stuff.

Another aspect is many of the working, independent Japanese women in their 30s and 40s are not happy, and not providing positive role-models. Many of them are downright unhappy for having to work long hours, their partner/husband not being very helpful with household chores (or inability to find one because they are too busy), and how hard it is to raise a child partly because of fecked up support system out there (Japanese social welfare for child-raising is designed with working-pops and stay-at-home moms in mind, and hasn't really been updated) and partly because said support from the husband side isn't exactly ideal.

So there's this new trend, "marriage hunting" (the term is coined after the Japanese word for "job hunting"), which is pretty much about women trying to score and secure a single guy with a stable (at least seemingly so) and well-paid position/ profession. However, there are only 3.5% of single Japanese men between age 25-35 who earn more than 6 million yen (about 60,000 USD) per year, whereas more than 60% of single Japanese women expect that much of income from her prospective husband. Go figure. Good luck ladies.

On the other hand, many Japanese men are shying away from the whole business- about 25% of men in their 20s haven't been with a girlfriend for more than a year- and are becoming really shy. They won't call up a girl or ask one out unless they really know the girl would respond positively or would agree. (Even better, many would hope the girl would take the initiative thereby freeing them from, you know, making decisions and taking the lead and stuff)

Politicians and many other "specialists" are trying to figure out how to stop this diminishing number of newborns, but the thing is actually pretty simple; people are not even getting married in the first place, because of the economic insecurity. And even for the married couples, the support system is just not what they expect. (more than 70% of Japan's welfare budget goes to things that support elderly citizens. They tend to go to vote more often, you know.)

So. In today's Japan, the whole thing sort of came full-circle; the feminism movement fought so hard to liberate women from this prison called housewife-ing, but now, it's something that modern women crave for. And statistically speaking, it won't happen for many of them.

Quote of the week

5 days ago
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"Happiness is good for your health. However it is sorrow that makes your spirit stronger."

Marcel Proust

In-the-office affairs, extramarital or not

7 days ago
1 comment

You know, you can't seriously expect to have an affair/ relationship in your office without anyone knowing about it. It just is not possible. It's probably the fastest-moving news that ever goes down those unofficial channels that real information would go to and fro. (Aside from lay-off rumors, that is.)

Also I can't understand why some people are so convinced that extramarital affairs are very rare thing. From what I know, it's quite common and is happening more often than they would like to think. So naturally, any news of extramarital affair happening in the office goes Warp Five in those channels.

But hey, what do I know; I'm only preparing for the impending Zombie Apocalypse.

Twitter-like sit-rep

Jun 25, 2009
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Current stuff:

Book I'm reading on train; "The Witcher: The Last Wish" by Andrzej Sapkowski

Book I'm reading at home: "Foucault" by Gilles Deleuze

Game I'm playing: Prototype (on Xbox 360)

Music I'm listening to right this moment: The Phantom of the Opera (It's on tv)

Thing on my mind: Kieslowski retrospective film festival in Tokyo

Quote of the week

Jun 22, 2009
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"Luck is the residue of good planning."

"Body of lies" by David Ignatius

There should be a non-smoking club

Jun 21, 2009
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There's this small Irish pub near Roppongi Hills that's non-smoking. It's just a small joint, owned- as I understand- by a bunch of guys who used to be working for another Ex-Investment Bank used to be stationed up in Roppongi Hills. It's so cool. Nothing special if you really think about it, but an Irish pub that's completely non-smoking environment, is just great as far as I'm concerned.

So it's too bad that there's no club, as far as I know, that I can go dance where it's non-smoking. It's part of the reason I no longer go to clubs; those places are too smokey. I think the idea would fly, I hope someone will open one. (or maybe one already exists and I don't know about it because I'm kinda out of the scene)

QotD: Who do you tell your secrets to?

Jun 20, 2009
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Who do you tell your secrets to?

Nobody. Isn't that the whole point?

... Actually, I (almost) never talk about other people's secrets that I know to someone else. Which is probably why I end up knowing quite a lot of other people's secrets.

Mac Book Pro

Jun 18, 2009
3 comments

New Mac Book Pro line of Apple laptops look very good! My black MacBook (I believe this one is the second generation of the first model MacBook) is doing fine and I probably won't need to get a new one in these days, but they sure look awesome. And getting cheaper. Always a good thing.

(13 inch models seem to have a few features taken out, so watch out if you are looking at those)

Quote of the week

Jun 17, 2009
1 comment

"That wasn't how things worked in this part of the world. You couldn't kick someone's ass and then assume they would cooperate. This wasn't the KGB. Arabs helped you because they trusted you. They would do everything for a friend and nothing for a stranger; and less than nothing for someone who treated them with disrespect."

"Body of Lies" by David Ignatius

What's up with the whole hostess club thing

Jun 15, 2009
7 comments

Strange. Last week, three people asked me if I have been to a hostess club. To be more precise, one of them asked me which hostess club I frequent. (He just assumed I must be frequenting one!!!) Yes, all three of them were male, and all three of them were Japanese.

Still. I didn't think going to a hostess club was so big among Japanese people (okay, men) my age. I didn't even know they were, but then again I'm not really interested in what other people do, so it's not really a big deal.

I guess this is something a Salaryman Impersonator such as myself should take note. Personally I was never really interested in going to one- unlike most men from older generation, I don't have a wife you got married to just because of peer pressure (in the old days, staying unmarried beyond age 25 was considered to be very bad) or because of career pressure (again in the old days, being married was almost a prerequisite for men's promotion- you got family to feed, you are less likely to be, you know, disloyal to the Company). Many of them, as years went on, found out his wife was almost a stranger (which she was to begin with), didn't have much in common or maybe didn't even share the same kind of sense of humor. So they needed to go to some place else for agreeable female company.

I'm not even married so I don't have this problem. Moreover, I have more female friends than guy friends, so if I need to chat away with someone over some beer or wine, I just text one and meet up.

Also, they want to know your phone number or keitai e-mail address at hostess clubs. (Hostess club customers like to be called up or texted from girl from the club; personal touch, you see) This would freak out a small-time security nut such as myself. I think I'm just not for the whole scene. Sorry WH and Ukifune in my 'hood!

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Sofia said:
Geees. I don't get this dream at all. Don't get me wrong, I respect that people whish for it (I... read more
on Yearning to be a housewife/ The rise of "Marriage Hunting"
aneles said:
Argh. This is seriously depressing me. I don't really have to participate in this rat race, but the runoff affects... read more
on Yearning to be a housewife/ The rise of "Marriage Hunting"
Workaholic Hostess said:
Have you ever read "The Feminine Mystique"? It was published in 1963 in America, but it seems to perfectly describe... read more
on Yearning to be a housewife/ The rise of "Marriage Hunting"
Sofia said:
Your reasoning's very true I think. Things like this travels faster than almost any other news. But I guess that... read more
on In-the-office affairs, extramarital or not
Kimura said:
What do you think? :-P read more
on Relackuma